I think a lot

When I hear about some horrible thing that happens to someone else such as a death in the family or rape or an injury, I think, "Oh how awful! I could never bear that," but now that I have had a disaster of my own, I find that it is easier to deal with than I thought it would be. I think it is because I have no choice but to deal with it. It is part of my life and I can never change it. I downplay it to myself and make believe that it is no big deal. I really don't even think about it all that often. It doesn't make me cry and it hasn't made me lose trust of faith in people. The effects on me are pretty minimal. Maybe it's that I'm a tough girl, or maybe it's that I'm really good at denial, in which case that is not very good for me, but it works for now so I'm not too concerned. I don't have much sympathy for myself like have for others in the same position. I think if I did feel sorry for myself I would be a lot more affected by it. I just think that I can't change it so all I can do is move on.
The other day I listened to some people talking about how Vegans live for an extra 6 or 7 years or something like that and I felt bad because I could never give up meat even though doing so could prolong my life. Then I thought, "Wait, I don't want to prolong my life!" I have been watching my grandparents decline for the last five years as they enter their 90s. My only dead grandparent died at age 89 of a broken hip...he smoked Camel unfiltered's from the time he was 14 and was an alcoholic for as long as I can remember, but I know it was from long before I was born. Whiskey was his drink of choice. He only had one kidney for the last 40 or 50 years of his life. My other grandparents are all alive and in their 90s and are getting more and more feeble every day. My mom's parents are in a nursing home separated from each other which is very sad, and my dad's mother lives at home but cannot walk around without help so she must pay a woman to help her every day. So longevity runs in my family. If I am supposed to live into my 90s I do not want to prolong my life into the 100s or 110s! I don't even want to live as long as my grandparents have! It's depressing to see them! All of their friends are dead or dying around them. I could never move to a nursing home. It would be too devastating to lose my independence. I dread the thought of having to give up my drivers license. It's just awful to grow old. I would prefer to die in my early 80s or late 70s. Because I have such good odds of living so long, I bet, with my luck I will die in my 30s. That's how my life goes. Oh well, it would still be better than living into my 90s and wanting to give up. So I don't need to do anything to prolong my life, I can eat all the red meat I want and drink like a fish, and smoke like a chimney if I choose (I will not smoke cigarettes every because I'm stubborn, but I know it would be ok if I did). Lucky me.