Anxiously awaiting

I'm at work, awaiting the arrival of my young man. We are going out to dinner tonight and then we will watch a movie in my room. My roommate is going home tonight :( so we won't have anyone else to share the futon with. I will miss her. I'm not used to her being gone on a school night. It will be weird to wake up without her there tomorrow. I may think it's a weekend. I'm excited about Carnation Ball tomorrow. My date finally called me back last night and we firmed up plans for his arrival. He asked me what color my dress is, and I'm glad he did because I would have totally forgotten to tell him. I and wearing my Senior Prom dress. I was going to wear my Junior Prom dress, but it doesn't fit anymore. I tried it on Tuesday and it zipped until about an inch and a half from the top. I was really sad, but I remembered that after I had had it taken in Junior year the dress was really tight. She took it in too much even for when I was smaller, so I grew just enough for it to not fit. I'm really sad because it is a beautiful dress and it will most likely never fit again. I'll probably end up selling it to a consignment shop. Hopefully, someone else will get to feel beautiful in it. I've decided to go to the Beave this weekend. I wasn't going to go because I have a test on Monday, but then I was told that the Maple Syrup Festival is this weekend. I knew I had to go! There will be lots of pancakes there. I love pancakes. I also love spending time with the boy. We may see the roommate there too because she is going up to Beaver tomorrow and staying for the weekend. I will have to leave Sunday morning so I can attend my class trip to Health Space Cleveland. It will be worth it to spend the day in Beaver. The boy has a show Saturday night that I will go see. I'm excited because I'll get to meet everyone he works with in both troupes. I'm also a little nervous about it too. I've already planned what I'm going to wear. I'll get a chance to study for my test because he has to be there an hour early, so while I wait to watch the show I will study. It will work out nicely. I also started studying last night and got a lot done today. Tomorrow I will devote most of my free time to studying English. I will only break to do my history reading. This is going to be a great weekend! I get to see the boy tonight and then on Saturday too. I was so proud of myself because I called the dentist back home to change my appointment time in May. I hate making phone calls. I only have one more to go today. I'm going to call to see if the woman I babysit for wants me to watch the boys on Good Friday. It would be nice to make a little money while I'm at home. I'm going to call her after the boy gets here because I figure they will be finished with dinner by then. She is an accountant and it's tax season, so there is a chance she won't be home yet. If she's not her husband should be able to handle the situation. We'll see.

I have been MIA

I haven't seen my sisters outside of meetings in a while. Busy is not an excuse because we are all busy. I need to start making time to head over to the section to hang out, like I used to. This weekend should be good for that because I have all day Saturday free. I'm almost out of soup from home so I should be able to go to dinner more often soon. I miss all of them and I was scolded yesterday for not informing one of my super-sweet sisters about my updated relationship status. She had to find out from facebook. I guess the relationship is what has been taking up the time that class doesn't take up. It's new so I need to figure out how to balance my time. At least now I'm conscious of this so I can actually make an effort to remedy it now. My weekend was awesome, despite my illness. I danced in the Dance Marathon Saturday. I was on my feet for 12 hours straight. I didn't even sit down for dinner because I'm a beast. I had a lot of energy throughout most of the day. I only had one lull in the middle of the afternoon, but I got a cup of water and perked up again. They kept things moving for us nicely. I was incredibly proud that I made it all the way through. When I got back to my room I didn't sit before I showered because I knew that there was a chance I wouldn't get back up. After my shower I got to talk to the boy. I went to sleep knowing that when I awakened it would only be half an hour until he arrived. It was kind of hard to sleep because I was so excited, but I was also exhausted from the day so that eventually won out over the excitement and I slept. Sunday was an amazing day. The boy came to help me recover from the Dance Marathon. The original plan was to sit on the futon and watch movies all day, but at the last minute the roommate's boyfriend hitched a ride and they claimed to futon. My young man and I were left to find other plans for the day. He helped me paint a corkboard for my little, which was really sweet. We all went out to lunch downtown. I was really tired at lunch and had a headache so I spent most of the time staring out the window. My sore throat was really bad all day. I had to cringe every time I swallowed. I had to go to some Phi Mu meetings and then I had Big/Little Revealing so I had to leave him alone for a while. Revealing was so exciting! My big came even though she has deactivated. I love her so much! My little didn't find all of her puzzle pieces, but from what she had it was pretty obvious who her big was. She told me she knew it was me. It was pretty obvious that I wanted her as my little. She is a great girl, and I'm so excited that she is my little! After revealing I went back to the boy and we went out to dinner. The restaurant I wanted to go to was closed, so we went to Taco Bell. Their dining room was closed so we drove to the movie theatre (we decided earlier that we might as well go out to a movie since it was obvious that we weren't going to be able to watch one in the room) and ate in the parking lot. We saw Inside Man. It was a pretty cool movie. I liked how it all worked out. It was kind of played like Ocean's Eleven with a really well thought out and executed crime. It was slow moving, but I still liked it. After the move it was 1:00AM so the boys had to leave. My young man is coming back Thursday to take me on a date. Maybe then we'll get to watch a movie in the room, and we'll get to go to the restaurant that I wanted to go to last night.

The greatness is carrying over

My mom made me realize what a great week this is for me! Today I went to apartment draw and I was second in line so we have an apartment for next year! Our bedroom and kitchen look out onto Coe Lake. We are on the second floor, which is where we wanted to be. We have always lived on the top floor and we have never had to deal with noise form above so we thought we would keep that pleasantness for next year too. My cousin's wife called today and said that she definitely needs me to come help out in Hilton Head with the baby this May so I am planning to go live in Hilton Head, South Carolina for a whole month after school is out! :) As I said yesterday I acquired a boyfriend. I got an A on my history test! I hope this carries over for the Dance Marathon this weekend because I am getting really nervous about that. I know I'll be fine. I have had a sore throat for the last two days so I'm worried about being sick for it. I am drinking orange juice more and taking cold meds to try to curb the impending illness. Even if I did get sick, this would still be an awesome week. Tonight I am going out to dinner with my dad so it will be nice to have food off campus. Apartment draw started a little early so I didn't have to be late for work like I expected to be. I'm glad that I get to work my whole shift because that means more money. I have to write a check for Carnation Ball so my funds will be depleting again, but it will be fun so it will be worth it.

Updated status

It's official now that I have changed my relationship status on facebook. I am now "In a relationship." It excited and frightens me at the same time. I'm not very sure what I have to be afraid of, but for some reason I am. I'm not really afraid of getting hurt because I don't really remember what that's like--which is a good sign. Over the summer a good friend told me to find someone who can't live without you, but would if he had to. I think I've found that and I like it. I've just got to go through with this formal date. It will be ok because that is going no where. He will be a fun date. It still really hasn't sunk in that I am someone's girlfriend. It's kind of like how on my birthday, I never feel older. I guess that's good because my relationship status does not change who I am. I don't want to let it define my life. It's really easy for me to let it run my life though because when I get into a relationship I put all my effort into it. We live far apart so that will help me keep my separate life. I have to tell my mom. I'm a little nervous. I know she won't get mad or anything. She knows that she cannot tell me what to do with my life. I think she will be disappointed that I am not allowing myself to be independent for a while. I think when I describe to her why I chose this, she will understand. She likes what she has heard of him so far. She is glad that he treats me well. She always tells me how well my dad treated her when they started dating, and this young man reminds me of her stories. I really want them to meet him. Maybe in a few months.

Best Weekend Ever

I just had an amazing weekend. I went to PA to see my young man perform in his improv show that he does every Friday night. I stayed all day Saturday because we both had the entire day free. I wasn't sure what I wanted before, but now I know. All day Saturday I forgot that I lived at school. It was like I had been in PA all my life with him. It was so strange and sad for me to remember that I live at school, not in PA. His show was great. I sat with his dad. I was so proud of him because he is quite talented. After the show we went back to his house and started watching a movie, but we were both really tired and so happy to see each other that we didn't end up watching all of it. Saturday morning was spent chatting. I want to know everything. He made me an incredible breakfast--sausage, bacon, pancakes, and homefries. I was astounded because the food just kept coming! It was all delicious. We went to the park in the afternoon and played on the playground. After being disappointed at the lack of monkey bars we hiked in the woods. It was very nice to sit in nature with him and talk. When we got back from the park we were invited to see a movie with his brother. We saw V for Vendetta for free because his brother's girlfriend works at the theatre. The movie was excellent. It was also amazing to have an intelligent discussion about the movie afterwards. I didn't feel stupid saying that there was some of it that I didn't get. We worked out the meaning together. I felt like his equal. After the movie, he treated me to Wendy's. I love Wendy's. Then we borrowed Edward Scissorhands from his brother and watched it at his house. I thoroughly enjoyed that movie as well. I put it on my birthday list. I feel so at home with him, which is scary because I haven't know him that long. I told him that I want to be his girl, but I have to wait for this formal business to be over. I would feel guilty going to formal with another guy. I don't want this other guy. There is no competition. We'll see what happens. I think it is headed somewhere, but I still have to make sure he ok with everything. I knew what I wanted when he would compliment me and my automatic reaction was to say, "I'm yours," but I had to stop myself every time because that's not the case. I also enjoyed when his brother introduced me as his girlfriend to his friends at the movie theatre. It just seemed right. I wish that I could do this every weekend. I just have no free weekends ever! There is one possible weekend that I could go up there again, but I have to wait until closer to the time to know for sure. I really hope I can. I managed to not be sad when I left today. It took a lot of effort because I really really really wanted to stay. I was happy with the knowledge that that was not my last visit there.

And then I found a dollar

So I ran out of gas on the turnpike this morning. Luckily, we have AAA so I was able to call for help. I was about 13 miles from my exit. There were a lot of communication problems between the AAA people so it took an hour and half for me to be rescued. I just sat there the entire time looking in my review mirror, hoping to see a tow truck come around. I did do the rest of my reading that I did not finish yesterday. I was too distracted to do more work though. At one point I thought I lost my AAA card that I set on the passenger seat, so I started searching around for it and I found a dollar! That was the best part of the time I sat waiting. I also called my roommate and pretended to have to tell her something because I longed for human contact. I missed my only class for the day. I'm not too worried about it though because I've never missed this class and I have a friend who can give me the notes. Gas is cheaper in Berea than in Fremont so I really thought I could make it. I was wrong. When the tow truck guy got there he said they didn't tell him I ran out of gas so he didn't have any. I freaked out in my head for a moment and thought he was going to have to leave and come back. He said he would just tow me to a gas station. He ended up towing me all the way to Berea. I didn't even have to pay my turnpike toll! He also put air in one of my tires that was low. Since I didn't have to pay for the turnpike, I treated myself to window's. Now I'm at work, and I'll be here for the next two hours. I haven't been up to my room yet since I got back. I miss it. I miss my roommate. I had a good night in Fremont. I spent over two hours at my grandmother's house. It was kind of boring, but it was worth it. I made dinner for her. I think she enjoyed it. After that I went home and baked cookies until midnight. First I made chocolate chip cookies, then oatmeal. I did a pretty good job. They are for my host for this weekend. I'm excited to surprise him with about 6 dozen cookies! I went a little crazy I guess. I just couldn't help it. I only ate one oatmeal cookie. I have tried the chocolate chip. I allowed my parents to each eat a chocolate chip cookie. My mom told me they were great, but I don't know if I can trust her opinion since she is my mom. The oatmeal cookies are chewy, which is what I was going for. It was wonderful to sleep in my own bed. I slept incredibly well. I love my bed. I got my CD's finished which was pleasing. I think I got everything done that I meant to get done at home. I love when that happens. I really can't think of much more to write and I still have two hours to go. I'll have to find something else to waste my time.

Too much man for me

I am eating a chocolate bar right now that is too much man for me. It's really thick. I don't think I can handle it all. I bought it form one of the math prof's little girls. She is selling chocolate as a school fund raiser. I thought I would be nice and purchase one. Also, the box of chocolate sits on my desk and the chocolate stares at me so I thought I had better get one before they get violent. I bought the milk chocolate with crispy rice since Crunch bars are my favorite. This does not have enough crispy rice in proportion with the chocolate, but I'll manage. The chocolate is not that great even though on the back of the bar there is a claim that says everyone loves the taste of their chocolate. Maybe it's really good chocolate and I am just too ignorant to know. It's kind of like in high school band, when we got the new timpini's I thought they sounded bad because they did not sound like the ones I was used to. In reality the ones I was used to were the bad ones and the new ones were good, I was just too ignorant of what a good sounding timpini sounded like to know one when I heard one. The chocolate sticks to my teeth. This was my good deed of the day, I guess. Although, visiting and making dinner for my grandmother is another good deed, and so is making CDs for people and cookies. What a good day. I felt pretty good about my history test when I finished. I think I at least nailed the essay, which is where most of the points are. I'll find out soon enough. I'm just glad I don't have it hanging over my head anymore. Now I can focus on the weekend! Fun!! I just have to get through the next hour and forty-five minutes of work and then I'm headed home.

Insomnia

I haven't been able to get to sleep for the past few nights. I haven't had this much trouble, this many days in a row, in a really long time. I hope tonight ends the streak because I am really tired. I think it will because I am not talking on the phone right before bed. I will post this, do a little studying while waiting for the roommate to get ready for bed, and then go up to bed. Tomorrow night I will sleep in my own bed. That thought makes me happy. When I get home tomorrow I am going to make cookies for my host this weekend. He brings me flowers so I will bring him cookies. I am also going to make dinner to bring to my Grandma's house. I am excited for the weekend. I will probably actually go out on St. Patrick's day which is something I have never done before. It should be exciting. Tomorrow is going to be a good day. I think I will call it a night so I can get a head start on that good day.

Strange days back

I have awakened late for the last three days in a row. Sunday I woke up to find that I had to leave for school in two and half hours rather than three so I had to hurry up and shower and go see my grandma. I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I would have liked to. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. She told me she didn't think she was going to make it last week. I have decided to take off of work this Thursday evening and spend it with her to make up for Sunday's short visit. I accidentally set my clock twelve hours off so my alarm didn't go off in the morning yesterday so I woke up half an hour before class. I tried as hard as I could to remain calm because half an hour is plenty of time to get ready. I did a good job not letting it get to me. The rest of the day was not too bad. This morning I completely overslept for my class because I got everything on my clock straightened out, but I forgot to turn my alarm on. I woke up to the bell chiming 11. My class lets out at 11:10. Again, I had to try to remain calm. Today was a review day for the exam so at least we were not learning new material. I remember leaving the last review day nd thinking it was worthless. He also let us go early after the last one so I figured I was not missing much. I have a friend in that class to I arranged to meet with her so she could tell me what I need to know. This is not a big deal because I do not make a habit of this kind of thing. I will not let it ruin my day. I had to drop one of my classes this week so I only have 12 credit hours. My reason for dropping it is very complicated, but it has to do with keeping my scholarship for all four years of school so it was a good reason. I really liked this class too. Oh well. I have decided to go watch the Cellar Dwellers' show this Friday in PA. This is my only free weekend for the entire semester and I really wanted to see my young man perform so this will be my only chance. I'm going to stay until Sunday morning. I have to drive back to work a table selling chocolate for Dance Marathon at Wal-Mart. Saturday afternoon there should be fun. There are only three other Friday's that I could potentially go watch them perform. One is the night before Dance Marathon so I think it would be dumb to take a big car trip and wear myself out the night before. The next one is early April, but the next day there is some sort of service project that I think I have to do, but I'm not sure on the time of that. If it's in the afternoon it would be manageable. The final possibility is Good Friday since we don't have school that day. I actually will be done with school on Wednesday that week because my Thursday class is cancelled. I will stick around to work on that Thursday though because I need the money. This will probably be the only time I make it up there this semester because my weekends are so booked up. It's crazy how filled up this second half of the semester has gotten! I'm kind of glad that I only have 12 credit hours. Working 14.5 hours a week on top of all this is a lot. I don't know how people go to school and work 40 hours a week. I would go nuts. I guess I would be able to do it if I had to, but I would not have time for much fun. That's all for now. Back to work.

*Edit*
I just got some great news! This Friday is payday!! I thought pay day would not be until next Friday, but I forgot that the adults worked over spring break so we all get paid this Friday! Spring break won't be included on this paycheck so it will be another big one since I worked extra hours in that pay period. The next pay check will be small though because spring break will be included in that pay period. That news made my day!

The world I left behind

I met with a friend from elementary school today and got caught up on all of the Fremont gossip. Most of it is old news, but I don't really talk to anyone from home anymore. Every time I'm here I'm reminded of why I went to a school where no one from my high school was going. While I love Fremont in it's own little way, I am glad to be away. I like the people in college better than those in high school. College is funner! :) I have just one friend left from high school that I see every break. There are a few that I see only on summer break and that's fine. It's fun while it lasts. I love my life now. I don't really want to settle here in Fremont, but I would. I really don't care where I go. I'll settle anywhere. I'll figure it out when I get there. I've been saying that a lot lately. It's much easier that way. I can't be sure of how I'll feel or see things in two or four years so I don't even want to try. I have finally embraced my procrastination of my essays. I know that I do my worst work when I'm at home on break so I figured that I might as well not even try to force myself to do them if they are not due until Wednesday. I'll bust them out Monday and Tuesday. I've got one part-way done. When I'm at home I just can't get anything done. I'm not in school mode...I'm in vacation mode. I do have to do my reading tonight, but that's not like writing a paper. The information is given to me. I don't have to do anything with the information aside from take a few notes on it so I remember what I read for the quiz on Monday. Now that I have recognized that, I can get on with my evening and not just waste time. Dinner! Then no more wasting time...maybe I'll read some more poetry tonight. That's right, I read poetry for fun last night. I even thought about how it might be fun to write some. I didn't try though because I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe with more reading for fun I'll get there. I want to read some more tonight, but I have to finish up In Cold Blood which means I have a whole lot of reading to do since I'm only about half way through and I've got tonight and tomorrow to finish on top of my reading for school. It's shaping up to be a busy evening. I'll eat now.

Feeling better

I feel so much better now. I just chatted on the internet to him and it was like nothing had changed. I truly enjoy his company. I think things were just moving way too fast. I need time to get to know him as a friend first. There was just too much pressure all at once. It's not like when I was in middle school where I or my friends have known my crush since elementary school and my parents know his parents. This is a totally new person that I have never shared a school with. My mom has always told me that they best relationships start out as friendships so I should look for that. Considering how successful her marriage to my dad is, maybe I'll take her advice. I don't know. I don't really want to think that far ahead. I just want to enjoy right now so that is what I'll do. I have to write a paper now. Luckily this weight has been lifted off of my shoulders so I should be able to concentrate better.

I'm hurtin'

Today is kind of rough. I don't know how I'm going to get my work done. I'm very distracted. I don't know why I'm hurting this bad over something I want. I was fine yesterday. I was surprisingly devoid of emotion yesterday. I think that is just a defense mechanism that I have installed because I had to be the responsible one. I have to tough this out now. I need to just give it time. If this hurting goes away then that is good. If it doesn't, I'll know that my decision was a bad one. I hate waiting. I keep trying to distract myself with other thoughts, but it's not working. I wonder if it's the allure of the forbidden. Now that I can't have him I want him. I don't know. I've never been one to go for men I can't have. I'm not into the whole chase thing. I just need to give it time. I think I'm finally getting sick. It has been over a year since I have had a cold. This one I got from being close to someone with a cold so it was inevitable. I'm not sure if it is going to fully manifest though. I'm just slightly congested today. We'll see what happens. I took some Vitamin C and cold medicine to try to curb the symptoms so the cold goes away faster. I should probably start drinking more water. Last night at the concert I got really dehydrated and felt awful. We were down on the floor in front of the stage in the beginning and there were tons of people standing around us. It was really hot. After the opening act, more people came down to the area in front of the stage and it got even hotter. It was too crowded for me so I had to go to a less crowded area. I also got some water from the bar which I paid far too much for. It was necessary to my well-being though. I went back to the floor with my friends and the Violent Femmes took the stage. They shined bright lights on the crowd a lot and it was painful because I was already feeling bad. After a few songs I told the roommate that I had to go away from there and stand in a less crowded area. I stood in the back. Eventually the roommate joined me because she thought it was too crowded and hot down in front too. After a while the two young men joined us as well. I couldn't see the stage at all so the roommate's Green Party friend who got the hook-up for the tickets lifted me on his shoulders. I was surprised at how long he let me sit up there. He only put me down when a man came by and told him to put me down. I bet it wasn't even someone who worked for the House of Blues. He didn't have a uniform on so it was probably just some random guy. It was cool to get to see the actual stage. There were TV's all over the place with the stage broadcasted onto them. That's what I watched for most of the show. The show was decent. There were a lot of people walking around in front of us and that was annoying and distracting. I enjoy people watching so I was distracted anyway. There was a major lull in the middle of the show where I just kind of retreated into my own little world, occasionally surfacing to giggle with the roommate over a drunk chick or the old people swaying in front of us. They picked it up in the end though with Add It Up. We left during the encore because it was a slower number. It was a very fun evening. I really need to stop procrastinating. I have to start dinner in fifteen minutes so I might as well procrastinate until then so my groove isn't interrupted or so I don't forget to put dinner on. I had another one of those dreams last night. I dreamed that I forgot to put dinner on because I was out driving to Clyde with a friend from high school trying to find a DSW shoe store. There is not one of those in Clyde that I know of, but for some reason I thought there was one there in my dream. I have had a lot of anxiety in my sleep the last two nights. Maybe that is why I am so tired still even though I have gotten nine and eleven hours of sleep the last two nights. I took non-drowsy cold meds, but maybe since they expired last month they will make me drowsy. It could also be that I am full from lunch. Being full makes me sleepy.

A Kitchen

A kitchen is the only thing that could make my roommate and I better. I received an email yesterday informing me that we have chance to get a campus apartment next year. This is no guarantee of an apartment. It is only an invitation to apartment draw. We are in the second tier. I am planning to get there as early as possible...which is 11:15 after I get out of class. It doesn't start until noon but I want to be extra early because I'm neurotic. I had a nightmare last night that I showed up to Apartment Draw early, but I didn't have the acceptance emails printed out or our room draw cards. Before I realized this, I was the second person in line to choose. I had to get out of line and go back to the room to get the stuff. When I got to my room I realized that the RA had not given us our draw cards. The roommate and I, and for some reason my dad, start searching everywhere for our RA. Because I was getting so frustrated, the RA finally showed up and gave me the draw cards. The roommate and I went back to Apartment Draw and it was really crowded. Phillip Seymour Hoffman was there and I wanted to get his attention so he could help us move up in line, but I couldn't remember his last name. I finally got up to pick an apartment and there was one two person apartment left so I snatched it up. This kind of dream is the reason that I am so neurotic about being late and being unprepared. It's awful. I slept for a really long time. I think I got ten or eleven hours of sleep. It was great. I wanted to get a lot of sleep because I do not want to get sick. I was exposed to a sick person in PA. I didn't wake up once in the middle of the night. That is very abnormal for me. I was really tired though. I only woke up twice in the morning and the second time was when I got up. I got a surprising phone call last night. A friend called me between flights in Texas. I was surprised that he took the time to call. I'm still waiting for my roommate to let me know what is going on tonight. We are supposed to go to a concert, but she has to talk to a friend first to know what the deal is. I'm not getting my hopes up too high. If I do go up there, I need to stop at school and get some stuff to help me complete some of my obligations, so I hope that we do get to go to the concert. I love spending time with the roommate. I guess that is why we decided to live together next year. Hopefully we will have a kitchen.

Procrastination

I need to start my homework. I just got back from PA about two hours ago so I don't really want to. It's hard to get back into study mode after I've had a whole five days off. Ann Arbor was great. It was wonderful to relax. I burned twenty nine CD's from my cousin's husband extensive collection. I think next time I'm there I'm going to burn him collection of Beatles albums. I have several compilation CDs but I want the actual albums. My dad has them all on vinyl, but I want to be able to listen to them away from a record player. I saw Capote. It was excellent. It inspired me to read In Cold Blood which my cousin happened to have at her house. I'm borrowing the book for the week. It's very well written. It's crazy to keep having to remind myself that the book is not fiction. These murders actually happened and that the people Capote describes were actually once real, living people. I'm enjoying it. I hope I can finish it with all the homework I've got to do in these next few days. The trip with the roommate was lovely. We went bowling the first night. It was great because I actually bowled well. I rarely score over 100, even over 75, but for some reason I scored over a hundred for both games. I found my groove and was actually able to keep it up. Tuesday I went on a hike with a young gentleman. The area where he lives is absolutely beautiful! We climbed on rocks behind a waterfall. I had the wrong shoes on for the adventure so I could not do as much climbing and exploring as I would have liked. It was a good trip. It confirmed my prior feelings of not being ready for a relationship. I need time to be independent. I need to figure things out for myself. I need to not be attached to someone. That's why the event of last summer occurred...a lack of attachment was needed. I want to take full advantage of the opportunity that was given to me. This wouldn't be so hard if this gentleman were not so perfect. It's really just a bad time for me....it hasn't even been a year. I have always jumped from relationship to another and I can't do that this time. I have to be selfish for a change. My life was so much simpler in the fall when I had no attachments. That was the first time in five or six years that I have been totally independent and it was great. I never realized how complicated a relationship makes things until I was out of one for a while. Everything is easier. We are having barbecue chicken for dinner. I love barbecue chicken so I'm really excited. I can smell it cooking which means it will be ready soon. I should stop now.

I love Rufus Wainwright

I borrowed Rufus Wainwright's self-titled album and I am in love already. I have only listened to it once this morning. I can see why this is his best rated album. I would love to see him in concert. I should check to see who all will be touring around my birthday. I concert would be a great birthday gift. Speaking of concerts, the roommate apparently has the hook-up for a free Violent Femmes concert next week. I am really pumped about it! It is going to be so amazing to see them in concert...especially with her! It's going to be great to see her next week outside of the school setting. We are going to have so much fun! The car ride to Beaver County should be grand...it's going to fly by. We have nice young men awaiting us on the other end too. I think a trip with the roommate would be fun by itself so having men to await us is an added bonus. We'll be apart for about a day after the Beaver County trip and then we'll go see the Violent Femmes. I'm also looking forward to going to Ann Arbor to visit my cousin and her husband tomorrow. This will be my last stay there before the baby comes. On my way to my cousin's, I'm going to pick up my friend who goes to U of M. She will stay with us for the weekend. She is such a great person, I'm sad that I can't see her more often. If I go to grad school over there though maybe I'll get to see her. Of course, she may go off to grad school somewhere else. We'll see. I'm surprised at how my Spring Break has shaped up. I was just expecting to stay home and wallow all week. Not that I mind doing that, but it's better to have fun things to do! I'm also planning to meet with a friend from elementary school for lunch one day so it should be nice to catch up with her. Hopefully, I'll get a chance to see another friend from high school over the week. She is a pretty busy girl so I don't know. It looks like when I'm home, I'm going to have to be doing homework which is no fun. I have a lot of music to put on my itunes so that will take a while. I'll get my reading homework done while doing that. I have a take-home midterm to write over break which is going to take up most of my time. It's for my religion class and I know I'm going to have to put two of our authors in dialogue for one of the questions and I'll have to compare some of the authors for another. It's going to require a lot of thought. I get the prompts tomorrow so I can start my pre-writing right away before my second class. I should also have a little time at my cousin's house to ponder. I'm not looking forward to it. Luckily, it's the only tough assignment for the week. The rest is just reading and reviewing notes. Anyway, it will be a great break. There were more beautiful flowers. He is very good at picking out unique arrangements. I still don't know how I feel about a relationship. This one is so good to me. I feel so special and cared for. It's amazing so I don't know why I'm shying away from it. I don't know what my problem is. I think I'll figure more out next week when I spend a whole two days with him. I'm so excited about it! I feel like I'm not contributing enough. I just don't know what to say or what to give. Oh well. This is a weird place to be. I wonder if it's that I haven't been single for long enough. It hasn't even been a year. Four years is a really long time. I just don't know. It's a good not knowing though because there are much worse things to be unsure of.