I'm hurtin'

Today is kind of rough. I don't know how I'm going to get my work done. I'm very distracted. I don't know why I'm hurting this bad over something I want. I was fine yesterday. I was surprisingly devoid of emotion yesterday. I think that is just a defense mechanism that I have installed because I had to be the responsible one. I have to tough this out now. I need to just give it time. If this hurting goes away then that is good. If it doesn't, I'll know that my decision was a bad one. I hate waiting. I keep trying to distract myself with other thoughts, but it's not working. I wonder if it's the allure of the forbidden. Now that I can't have him I want him. I don't know. I've never been one to go for men I can't have. I'm not into the whole chase thing. I just need to give it time. I think I'm finally getting sick. It has been over a year since I have had a cold. This one I got from being close to someone with a cold so it was inevitable. I'm not sure if it is going to fully manifest though. I'm just slightly congested today. We'll see what happens. I took some Vitamin C and cold medicine to try to curb the symptoms so the cold goes away faster. I should probably start drinking more water. Last night at the concert I got really dehydrated and felt awful. We were down on the floor in front of the stage in the beginning and there were tons of people standing around us. It was really hot. After the opening act, more people came down to the area in front of the stage and it got even hotter. It was too crowded for me so I had to go to a less crowded area. I also got some water from the bar which I paid far too much for. It was necessary to my well-being though. I went back to the floor with my friends and the Violent Femmes took the stage. They shined bright lights on the crowd a lot and it was painful because I was already feeling bad. After a few songs I told the roommate that I had to go away from there and stand in a less crowded area. I stood in the back. Eventually the roommate joined me because she thought it was too crowded and hot down in front too. After a while the two young men joined us as well. I couldn't see the stage at all so the roommate's Green Party friend who got the hook-up for the tickets lifted me on his shoulders. I was surprised at how long he let me sit up there. He only put me down when a man came by and told him to put me down. I bet it wasn't even someone who worked for the House of Blues. He didn't have a uniform on so it was probably just some random guy. It was cool to get to see the actual stage. There were TV's all over the place with the stage broadcasted onto them. That's what I watched for most of the show. The show was decent. There were a lot of people walking around in front of us and that was annoying and distracting. I enjoy people watching so I was distracted anyway. There was a major lull in the middle of the show where I just kind of retreated into my own little world, occasionally surfacing to giggle with the roommate over a drunk chick or the old people swaying in front of us. They picked it up in the end though with Add It Up. We left during the encore because it was a slower number. It was a very fun evening. I really need to stop procrastinating. I have to start dinner in fifteen minutes so I might as well procrastinate until then so my groove isn't interrupted or so I don't forget to put dinner on. I had another one of those dreams last night. I dreamed that I forgot to put dinner on because I was out driving to Clyde with a friend from high school trying to find a DSW shoe store. There is not one of those in Clyde that I know of, but for some reason I thought there was one there in my dream. I have had a lot of anxiety in my sleep the last two nights. Maybe that is why I am so tired still even though I have gotten nine and eleven hours of sleep the last two nights. I took non-drowsy cold meds, but maybe since they expired last month they will make me drowsy. It could also be that I am full from lunch. Being full makes me sleepy.